Serial Game Movie

6 reasons information security causes global warming

In keeping with the divorce and everything Capitalist or conservative causes "global warming" movement, how about this:

1. The need for IT security controls is a negative side-effect of Capitalism - man bettering himself if you will. If we didnt have computers and the Internet, the advancement of mankind, and greedy corporations trying to make profits, this wouldnt be a problem.
2. Security policies are often distributed to employees in hard copy form which requires cutting down trees which requires manufacturing, and more jobs, and more people commuting to work, and fuel usage for shipment....
3. Information security clauses lengthen business contracts contributing to the same paper manufacturing and delivery problems as above.
4. Firewalls, IPSs, and anti-virus software require manufacturing, and more jobs, and, well, more carbon dioxide and Capitalists getting their way.
5. Added security controls require more power and space in data centers thus impeding the "green" data center movement were seeing a lot of.
6. When criminal hackers and malicious insiders attacks are blocked by our non-environmentally-friendly security controls, it hurts their feelings and makes them feel less about themselves and their jobs which leads to lower productivity at work which leads to more snack and smoke breaks which lead to overflowing landfills and, of course, increased carbon dioxide in the sky.

Finally! Managers and executives now have a valid excuse for not buying into information security...How could anyone in their right mind possibly support anything that causes "global warming" anyway..?? 

I know, I know, my approach seems flawed, but so is the "logic" and the "facts" behind the religion of "global warming". If it were only this easy to push information security initiatives in an emotional fashion in the name of something that has no basis in fact and without having to present the real side of the story!

Now Ive got to go figure out how Im going to offset the "carbon emissions" pouring from my race cars open exhaust and my daily drivers big V8. Im confident a government bureaucrat will guide me along the way.