Serial Game Movie: 50 Little Goth Problems

Thursday, February 23, 2017

50 Little Goth Problems

I love being a Goth, dont get me wrong, but there are just some issues we tend to have to deal with that can be an extraordinary pain. Here are some of the ones that have been floating around my brain lately, with a peppering of snark.

Accumulating a Victorian-esque collection of artful clutter is all well and good until it comes to dusting it all.
When the only black lipstick you can find is dry and waxy or approximately $100,000 (plus shipping.)
Trying to color-match black clothing while online shopping.
Not really realizing how faded your hair has become until you dye it again.
Having internet friends that youd love to meet up with in person but they live waaaay too far away.
The Look you get when youre in school and a professor or teacher mentions Gothic literature and Architecture.
Wanting to have a parasol but not wanting to have to deal with carrying it the whole day.
Having unfinished DIY projects cluttering up your workspace but being unable to finish them for one reason or another.
Whenever you wear color there are always one or two people who act like it’s a personal attack on all they understand and hold to be godly and true in this world.
Every time you find the perfect pale foundation, it gets discontinued. Every. Time.
Having extremely high relationship standards because of Morticia and Gomez.
Eyeliner that melts or fades halfway through your day.
Not especially liking tea but wanting to have a tea party anyway.
Halloween is only really celebrated one day a year (however much you try to deny it and celebrate it every day.)
Breaking in new boots.
Having bought vinyl records before actually buying a record player.
Black nail polish being the easiest to tell when its chipped.
Feeling the need to stick up for the scene in the face of all the negative stereotypes even when you know full well some of those stereotypes are true.
Heat. Summer. Ugh.
Trying to find a way to Goth up little aspects of your daily life because it matters, damn it.
Pet fur. On everything.
Having Non-Goth interests is apparently a hard thing (for both Non-Goths and certain Goths) to understand.
Scuffs on black leather or patent shoes.
Not being able to understand the words to your favorite song because theyre either screamed or mumbled.
Becoming completely unstable in platform shoes.
Ripping the one pair of tights or stockings you actually wanted to remain intact.
Brushing your hair after you had it teased up and hair sprayed all day.
Being unable to find the particular black shirt you need in a closet/floordrobe full of black clothing.
Liking horror movies even though honestly 90% of them are completely terrible.
Having mixed feelings about Goth coming back into style because A) it means more Goth things easily found in stores but B) theyre insanely expensive again.
Worrying about walking at night because youre virtually invisible to cars.
Loving talon-style nails but being completely unable to keep up with them.
Looking back at your old babybat style and being slightly embarrassed.
If you eventually tire of black hair, needing tons of salon appointments or bleach bottles to get back to a lighter shade.
How many of your favorite Goth icons and favorite authors, musicians, artists, etc. have passed.
Black, blue, and purple lipstick making your teeth look yellow.
The shock on someones face when they see you without makeup for the first time.
When your google history looks like that of a serial killer because of simple curiosity.
People who are still waiting for you to grow out of it.
Accidentally ruining a favorite vintage clothing piece and knowing you wont be able to find a replacement.
When your velvet starts to bald.
Making a passing reference to the Goth Cabal or Goth Points and then having to explain that its a scene joke.
Having to wait for October to roll around to find your favorite decor accents and craft supplies in local stores.
Uneven eyeliner wings.
The scene in your town being too small and non-existent or too drama-prone.
The look someone gives you when you show them what Goth music actually is, not what they thought it was.
Wanting to wear that Joy Division t-shirt without being quizzed by music elitists to name all of their songs and the weather the day Ian Curtis was born.
Liking spider themed jewelry, not actual spiders.
When people make assumptions about what you like because youre a Goth instead of asking what you, as a person, actually like.
Always, every day: "Does it come in black?"

What Goth problems do you think we (almost) all deal with?

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